At 18, I left home to go to college and other than a summer here or there, I never again have lived with my parents. We moved to Chicago in 1980 for a job that my husband took after graduate school, and together we built a happy and full life. Neither of us had family here, and close friends took their place in our lives on a day-to-day basis. While we made certain to visit our parents and siblings each year, a long weekend here or a ten-day trip to Florida there was more like eating tapas than sitting down to a hearty meal. When my step-father died while I was pregnant with my soon to be 22-year-old daughter, I had a tugging in my heart that I was missing out on something. But by then, we had bought our first home, each had successful careers and we had begun to plant deep roots in our adopted city. Besides, I told myself, it was the natural cycle of life to grow up and focus on the life that you were building for yourself.
The years flew by, and I can hardly believe that our girls will be 22 and 25 before 2009 ends. Happily, our older daugher has moved back to Chicago and lives in the city. We hope that her younger sister will follow suit when she graduates college next spring. And while I enjoy close relationships with each of my children, it is abundently clear that I am not the center of their lives anymore - and nor should I be. While I have had my share of sadness, I am happy in my life; proud beyond words of my children, still in love with my husband, rich with great friends and blessed with good health. And while all four of our parents are still alive, old age has made its mark on each one of them and has left me to ponder what lies ahead. I think it's natural that I have taken stock of my life now that my kids are grown. After all, there are (hopefully) many good years ahead; how will I spend them?
When my mother invited me to accompany her on a trip back to her hometown of Dresden, Germany, I began writing this blog. It was a kind of therapeutic way for me to talk about the sometimes unbelievable, often frustrating and always hilarious stories about planning the trip. In case you weren't paying attention to my past blog entries, I'll come clean now - I viewed the trip as something that was the right thing to do for my mother, not necessarily something I was looking forward to. I tried to keep the blog light and funny - I enjoy a good laugh and I love making other people laugh. I meant it all in good fun, but the laughs were at my mother's expense. I reasoned that it was OK because she would never read the blog, but there was a nastiness to it and it took me twelve days with her to realize that it was mean and that I was wrong.
We flew home from Budapest yesterday afternoon, and I left my mother at O'Hare to catch her flight to Cleveland. While I will admit that there were times on the trip when I thought that there must be a candid camera somewhere to gauge my response to the absolute insanity of what my mother was saying or doing, I will let your imagination carry you to those instances. Instead, I will share with you an epiphany that I had two or three days into the trip. Each one of us has our own unique idiosyncracies. We are all trying our best, given the tools we have. In the case of my mother, she was ripped from the only home she knew at a young age, separated from her father and brothers for two years and eventually immigrated with her mother and sisters to the US when she was ten year old. She didn't speak a word of English at the time but soon learned to fit in the best she could. My grandparents were quintessentially German and the children were all raised with strict rules and a swift rod. My mother left home at 18 and was married less than two years later. When she had children of her own, she raised them as she had been raised. My childhood years were filled with my mother's harsh words (often at decimel levels I could hear as I rounded the corner to my street on my way home from school) and frequent punishments. For my older sister especially, these punishments also came at the end of a belt.
For those of you who know me well, you have heard me thank my mother for two great things:
1. Good skin
2. Showing me by example how I never want to act towards others
Those are harsh words, but they are true. My mother is not what anyone would decribe as a "nice" person. She criticizes everyone and if a situation doesn't revolve around her, she "changes the channel" until it does. But underneath all her viribato is a scared and lonely old lady who at 83, has significant dimentia and works overtime to hide it because she is so proud. She wears bright lipstick, dies her hair jet black (because she is "too young" to go gray) and she talks non-stop. She learned at too early an age that many people thought being Jewish was a bad thing. Her first husband (my father) left her at a time when divorce was still a dirty word and she was ashamed. She remarried a wonderful man and had nearly twenty years with him before he died on his 60th birthday of pancreatic cancer. She has survived cancer on three separate occasions, underwent triple bypass surgery, has buried one daughter and has watched another be ravaged by Multiple Sclerosis. I am her one success in life. For as long as I can recall, that has been a heavy burden on my shoulders, but one that I finally understand.
The experience in Dresden was moving beyond description. One day, the group sat with the Mayor of the city, who asked each of the twelve former residents who were forced out to tell their stories. I was astounded that although they had all left Germany more than 60 years ago, every one of them spoke in nearly perfect German. It was surreal, as if they were back at that moment in time that was permanently etched into their memories. An interpreter quietly translated into English as each person spoke. There wasn't a dry eye in the room, including the Mayor. On another day, my mother and I left the group to see if we could find the street where she lived as a child. We did, and we saw that nothing had survived the bombings by the allied forces. My mother stood bravely by the street sign while I took her picture. Behind her were some boxy buildings that were erected during the communist regime. Suddenly, a woman approached us and asked if wanted our picture taken together. She and my mother started talking (in German) and within a few moments the woman took my mother in a warm embrace and told her how sorry she was. Dresden will never be the same, but this generation is trying to make it better for the future.
I met some wonderful people in our group ranging in age from 29 (our guide) to 89, and was sincerely sad to say good-bye after spending six intense days together. My mother and I then went on the Vienna, Bratislava and Budapest. In each city, she marvelled at what she was seeing, soaking in every second. Her short-term memory is severely impaired, and she would often ask me if we were going somewhere we had just been. I wonder if she will remember the details of our travels, but I don't think it really matters. She knows that she returned after more then 75 years to Dresden, she knows that she spent nearly two weeks with her beloved daughter and she knows that she loved it. Whatever she doesn't remember, I have no doubt she will simply make up. As she regales her friends with stories of her travels, who will ever know what is true and what she is making up? She will be the center of attention with her stories, and she will love the limelight.
I think it's poetic that this trip took place just before the Jewish High Holidays - the time when we atone for our sins and ask for forgiveness. In my mother's eyes, everything I have ever done has been perfect, and that has annoyed me. I have harbored much anger towards my mother for many of her actions, mostly towards others. Perhaps the person she was most horrible to was my older sister, to whom she didn't speak for several years before her death. But my sister found peace by forgiving my mother and often said to me that she did the best she could. I wish my sister was here now so that I could tell her that although I was always the one who got the high marks in school, she was the really wise one. Although I can't make any promises, I will try not to stand in judgement of my mother in whatever time I have left with her. Because she is doing the best she can in life.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Should I Take My Computer
Mom called this morning to ask me whether I thought she should take her computer. Let me just give you some background here. Mom has a desktop circa 1995 that she has only EVER used for email. She has an aol account and uses dial up service. When I have suggested that she get high speed internet, she says it's just a waste of money. About a year ago, mom saw an ad in the Cleveland paper for a laptop computer. It was only $500 and mom thought that was a great deal so she went out and bought it for herself. Over the next several weeks we had many, MANY phone conversations and I tried to walk her through things like turning it on. Finally I suggested she take a basic computer class through her local high school or village program. "Great idea!" she exclaimed. But as you can already guess, from then until now she has not had time to look into classes that might be offered.
About three months after mom got her laptop, we were there for a visit and she wanted me to show her how to work her computer. By then she knew how to turn it on, so she excitedly took it into the living room, powered it up and we waited......and waited.....and waited. Nothing happened. I asked if it was low on battery and she said "It's a new computer! The battery shouldn't be dead. I'll take it back if it's no good." So problem #1 was that mom had never - not once - plugged in the computer. "It's a laptop" she argued. "It shouldn't need to be plugged in!"
I got the plug (still in the box) and powered it up. Mom exclaimed "You're so smart! You got it to work! Mitchell, come look!"
What came next was truly amazing. She started aol and then called me over so I could see that it was broken on this computer. I told her that since she had dial up internet service, she needed to plug a phone line into the computer in order to get internet service. She couldn't believe it. I mean, SHE COULD SIMPLY NOT BELIEVE WHAT I WAS SAYING. "So I bought this for nothing?? If I still have to be plugged in, then why do I need it?"
OK, now that you have the background on mom's laptop, you can truly appreciate how hilarious it is that she wants to bring it to Europe. I ask her what she would do with the computer on our trip and she says (you might want to swallow if you are drinking something now) "So I can talk to Mitchell on email while we are flying." "Mom" I say, "First of all, it will be nighttime when we are flying. Secondly, you cannot get internet service on board a plane." She says (honestly, I swear this is true) "No, no, I just saw a picture of a movie star on a plane in one of my magazines and she was on her computer. I'm going to call someone to check it out. I think you are wrong."
By now, I have to admit that I am holding the phone between me and Mitchell so that he can hear this conversation. "OK mom, you check it out. I've got to go now. Love you!" "Love you too" she replies. "I'm getting so excited!"
We leave in five days. The trip is two weeks. MUST keep my sense of humor......
About three months after mom got her laptop, we were there for a visit and she wanted me to show her how to work her computer. By then she knew how to turn it on, so she excitedly took it into the living room, powered it up and we waited......and waited.....and waited. Nothing happened. I asked if it was low on battery and she said "It's a new computer! The battery shouldn't be dead. I'll take it back if it's no good." So problem #1 was that mom had never - not once - plugged in the computer. "It's a laptop" she argued. "It shouldn't need to be plugged in!"
I got the plug (still in the box) and powered it up. Mom exclaimed "You're so smart! You got it to work! Mitchell, come look!"
What came next was truly amazing. She started aol and then called me over so I could see that it was broken on this computer. I told her that since she had dial up internet service, she needed to plug a phone line into the computer in order to get internet service. She couldn't believe it. I mean, SHE COULD SIMPLY NOT BELIEVE WHAT I WAS SAYING. "So I bought this for nothing?? If I still have to be plugged in, then why do I need it?"
OK, now that you have the background on mom's laptop, you can truly appreciate how hilarious it is that she wants to bring it to Europe. I ask her what she would do with the computer on our trip and she says (you might want to swallow if you are drinking something now) "So I can talk to Mitchell on email while we are flying." "Mom" I say, "First of all, it will be nighttime when we are flying. Secondly, you cannot get internet service on board a plane." She says (honestly, I swear this is true) "No, no, I just saw a picture of a movie star on a plane in one of my magazines and she was on her computer. I'm going to call someone to check it out. I think you are wrong."
By now, I have to admit that I am holding the phone between me and Mitchell so that he can hear this conversation. "OK mom, you check it out. I've got to go now. Love you!" "Love you too" she replies. "I'm getting so excited!"
We leave in five days. The trip is two weeks. MUST keep my sense of humor......
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Packing for the Trip
Hadn't heard much from mom lately and then I got a phone call to discuss packing. Mom wants to know how many suitcases - yes, that's PLURAL - I am planning to take. As I have mentioned in an earlier blog entry, mom doesn't fly for a number of reasons, including not wanting to be tied down to such bothersome things as departure schedules. But another huge reason is that she likes to be prepared for all - and I mean EVERY SINGLE - situation. This means that instead of deciding what she really will need for a trip, she just packs everything she owns. When she goes to Florida, this includes four tennis racquets - one for her and three for anyone who might visit. You probably think that's a thoughtful thing for her to do until I tell you that she hasn't played tennis in at least five years! OK, so it never hurts to be prepared, but realize that she also brings several (and I mean four or five) different tennis outfits, plus shoes, balls and I can't even imagine what else. Also packed in the car are her golf clubs and all of the "stuff" that she needs for golfing (including different outfits.) I'm not sure it was even this decade the last time she golfed.
So back to packing for our trip to Europe. I tell her that she should only take ONE suitcase, plus a small carry-on. She replies that she will try to fit everything into one suitcase, but she just isn't sure she can do it. I am already imagining myself schlepping steamer trunks through Europe.....
I think it is probably a good time to tell her about baggage weight restrictions for the Dresden to Vienna portion of our journey, even though I have already purchased extra weight allowance for her. Here is how that conversation goes:
Me: Mom, you can only check through 20kg, which is 44 pounds of luggage on the flight from Dresden to Vienna.
Mom: Why would the airline care how much my suitcase weighs?
Me: Because the lighter the load, the less fuel they use.
Mom: I'm sure you're wrong. Anyway, how am I supposed to know how much my suitcase weighs?!
Me: You'll need to put it on a scale after you pack it
Mom: What if I can't lift it?
Me: Then it is too heavy!
Mom: Well, I'll try, but I'm sure you're wrong.
Me: And mom? Any liquids over 3 oz need to be put in your checked luggage.
Mom: How much is 3 ounces?
Me: Do you remember all the empty plastic bottles I sent you last month? Those are each 3 ounces.
Mom: Well what am I supposed to do with them??
Me: You don't want to take big bottles of anything, so just put some shampoo, conditioner, lotion, etc in the bottles. Then you can either take them in your carry-on bag or check them through. Oh, and one more thing. If you carry them on board, all of your liquids have to fit in one quart-sized ziplock bag.
Mom: How big is that? I don't think I have any that size! Besides, they can't expect me to fit everything I need in one bag!
Me (breathe....breathe...): Mom, I am NOT making this up. There are serious restrictions on what you can take on the plane with you. They will make you throw out what doesn't comply with the rules. (I am already imagining the scene at security.)
Mom: I don't think you have the right information. I'll call someone. They probably let you take whatever you want in first class. Can we get first-class tickets?
Me: No we can't switch, mom. We're in economy plus; it will be great! So do you understand what you are allowed to take on board?
Mom: Well, what am I supposed to take if I can't things like shampoo and Aquanet? (I swear I am not making this part up.) What do you take in the bag you carry on the plane?
Me: I take my iPod, a book, magazines, a neck pillow....stuff like that.
Mom: Well, I can't read on a plane! I get motion sickness. And don't they give you a pillow?
Me: Yes, but I like my own. Mom, I'm going to read a little and then take a sleeping pill and go to sleep. You really will need to sleep on the plane or you'll get to Germany and be exhausted. Besides, what else are you going to do?
Mom: I'll look out the window (I SWEAR I couldn't make this up if I tried) Maybe I'll sleep a little, but it will be hard because we'll be sitting up. We should have flown first class.....
Me: OK I've got to go! We'll talk again soon. Love you!!
Mom: Love you too and I'm getting SO excited!
So back to packing for our trip to Europe. I tell her that she should only take ONE suitcase, plus a small carry-on. She replies that she will try to fit everything into one suitcase, but she just isn't sure she can do it. I am already imagining myself schlepping steamer trunks through Europe.....
I think it is probably a good time to tell her about baggage weight restrictions for the Dresden to Vienna portion of our journey, even though I have already purchased extra weight allowance for her. Here is how that conversation goes:
Me: Mom, you can only check through 20kg, which is 44 pounds of luggage on the flight from Dresden to Vienna.
Mom: Why would the airline care how much my suitcase weighs?
Me: Because the lighter the load, the less fuel they use.
Mom: I'm sure you're wrong. Anyway, how am I supposed to know how much my suitcase weighs?!
Me: You'll need to put it on a scale after you pack it
Mom: What if I can't lift it?
Me: Then it is too heavy!
Mom: Well, I'll try, but I'm sure you're wrong.
Me: And mom? Any liquids over 3 oz need to be put in your checked luggage.
Mom: How much is 3 ounces?
Me: Do you remember all the empty plastic bottles I sent you last month? Those are each 3 ounces.
Mom: Well what am I supposed to do with them??
Me: You don't want to take big bottles of anything, so just put some shampoo, conditioner, lotion, etc in the bottles. Then you can either take them in your carry-on bag or check them through. Oh, and one more thing. If you carry them on board, all of your liquids have to fit in one quart-sized ziplock bag.
Mom: How big is that? I don't think I have any that size! Besides, they can't expect me to fit everything I need in one bag!
Me (breathe....breathe...): Mom, I am NOT making this up. There are serious restrictions on what you can take on the plane with you. They will make you throw out what doesn't comply with the rules. (I am already imagining the scene at security.)
Mom: I don't think you have the right information. I'll call someone. They probably let you take whatever you want in first class. Can we get first-class tickets?
Me: No we can't switch, mom. We're in economy plus; it will be great! So do you understand what you are allowed to take on board?
Mom: Well, what am I supposed to take if I can't things like shampoo and Aquanet? (I swear I am not making this part up.) What do you take in the bag you carry on the plane?
Me: I take my iPod, a book, magazines, a neck pillow....stuff like that.
Mom: Well, I can't read on a plane! I get motion sickness. And don't they give you a pillow?
Me: Yes, but I like my own. Mom, I'm going to read a little and then take a sleeping pill and go to sleep. You really will need to sleep on the plane or you'll get to Germany and be exhausted. Besides, what else are you going to do?
Mom: I'll look out the window (I SWEAR I couldn't make this up if I tried) Maybe I'll sleep a little, but it will be hard because we'll be sitting up. We should have flown first class.....
Me: OK I've got to go! We'll talk again soon. Love you!!
Mom: Love you too and I'm getting SO excited!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Details, Details
Several more days go by before the next phone call from mom.
Mom: "Debbie? I got something in the mail from you but it wasn't an airline ticket"
Me: "That's right, mom. It's your flight itinerary. Airlines now use electronic ticketing because it is much safer. Everything is in the computer and passengers don't have to worry about losing their tickets. You just give the agent your ID when you get to the airport and she'll pull up all your information. She'll also check you in all the way to Dresden, including your bags."
Mom: "OK, but I'd like a ticket."
Me: "Mom, really....no need to worry. All you have to do is get to Chicago and then we'll be together. This will be so much fun! Hey, where do you like to sit?" (Notice how I'm trying to keep it light???)
Mom: "I don't know. I'll decide when I get to the airport."
Me: "No, mom, we should really pick our seats now. Otherwise we might not sit together. I like to sit on an aisle. Do you want the aisle across from me?"
Mom: "No, I want to be next to you."
Me: "Well, the plane configuarion is 2-5-2, and it doesn't look like there are any seats together on the sides. Our options are aisle and aisle or aisle and middle."
Mom: "I don't want a stranger sitting next to me. I'll hate that!"
Me: "Let's just take two aisles, OK? It will be fine."
Mom: "But I like to look out the window."
Me: "It will be night, there is nothing to see."
Mom: "This is silly. Just return the tickets you got and I'm going to get us two first-class seats using my Capital One points."
Me: "Mom....you don't have enough points."
Mom: "Then I'll just buy tickets."
Me: "Business class tickets are $5,600 each. First-class is probably double that. Coach is fine."
Mom: "You don't have the right information, I'm sure. I'm going to call someone and find out how much tickets are. It is probably only a few hundred dollars more."
Me: "Our tickets aren't refundable, mom. This will be great! I'm getting us seats. Talk to you soon. Love you!!"
Mom: "Love you, too. Aren't you getting excited?!"
I hang up and ponder her question. If symptoms of getting excited are heart palpitations and killer headaches, then yes, I am getting VERY excited.
Time (finally) to Purchase the Tickets
Several days go by and I hear nothing from mom, and then she calls to inform me that nobody knows what they are talking about and that she can't get a straight answer from anyone. When I ask who she has called, she responds (and I am not making this up) "I called Capital One customer service and all they could tell me is how many points I have, which I think was wrong anyway. The woman must have been new because she didn't even know about flying from Cleveland to Dresden. Then I called AAA because that is where I always get my triptiks when I drive anywhere out of town. The woman had no idea how I could use my Capital One points or about flights to Dresden. All the experienced people must be out on vacation because no one could give me any information!"
So to recap...my mother first called CUSTOMER SERVICE at Capital One, and then she called AAA. Finally, convinced that everyone with half a brain was out on vacation, she called me back.
Now we are back to where we started, and I (again) suggest to mom that I make the flight arrangements. With a resigned sigh, she agrees. I say, "OK, mom - these are non-refundable, non-changeable tickets. Are we sure about dates, etc?" She says yes, she is absolutely sure, and she instructs me to put the flights on her Capital One credit card. Now we're getting somewhere.....
Or so I thought.
The VERY NEXT day mom calls me:
Mom (cheerfully): "Debbie? I just got an offer for a Chase credit card in the mail. It says that if I open an account and book a flight on Southwest Airlines, my companion flies for free. So I was thinking that is a good deal and we should book our flights to Europe that way!"
Me: "Mom?! I already booked the flights yesterday, remember? I told you they are non-refundable, remember? Plus, Southwest doesn't fly to Europe."
Mom: "Are you sure? I'll bet they do. And I can call someone and get a refund on our tickets."
Me: "There is no one you can call mom. This is how we are getting to Dresden. I emailed you your itinerary yesterday; did you get it?"
Mom: "All I got in the mail was a bill from Bloomies and the Chase credit card offer. Maybe it will come today."
Me: "OK, well it should be there in a few days. Call me when it comes."
I pour a drink and take a walk to the mailbox, wondering how much alchohol consumption is too much.....
So to recap...my mother first called CUSTOMER SERVICE at Capital One, and then she called AAA. Finally, convinced that everyone with half a brain was out on vacation, she called me back.
Now we are back to where we started, and I (again) suggest to mom that I make the flight arrangements. With a resigned sigh, she agrees. I say, "OK, mom - these are non-refundable, non-changeable tickets. Are we sure about dates, etc?" She says yes, she is absolutely sure, and she instructs me to put the flights on her Capital One credit card. Now we're getting somewhere.....
Or so I thought.
The VERY NEXT day mom calls me:
Mom (cheerfully): "Debbie? I just got an offer for a Chase credit card in the mail. It says that if I open an account and book a flight on Southwest Airlines, my companion flies for free. So I was thinking that is a good deal and we should book our flights to Europe that way!"
Me: "Mom?! I already booked the flights yesterday, remember? I told you they are non-refundable, remember? Plus, Southwest doesn't fly to Europe."
Mom: "Are you sure? I'll bet they do. And I can call someone and get a refund on our tickets."
Me: "There is no one you can call mom. This is how we are getting to Dresden. I emailed you your itinerary yesterday; did you get it?"
Mom: "All I got in the mail was a bill from Bloomies and the Chase credit card offer. Maybe it will come today."
Me: "OK, well it should be there in a few days. Call me when it comes."
I pour a drink and take a walk to the mailbox, wondering how much alchohol consumption is too much.....
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Using Capital One Points is Easy!
Now I am armed with my mother's credit card number and have gotten the phone number for Capital One points redemption off their Web site. Here is how the first call goes:
Hilda: "Hello thank you for calling Capital One this is Hilda how may I be be of service?"
Me: "I would like to find out about redeeming points."
Hilda: "I will be happy to help you. What is your credit card number?"
I recite the numbers my mother read to me off her card.....
Hilda: "Thank you. And the name on the card?"
Me: "Marge Schwartz"
Hilda: "Last four numbers of your social?"
I know she doesn't mean MY social so I give her the last four numbers of mom's.
Hilda: "Thank you. How can I help you?"
Me: "I would like to know how many points my mother has and how those points can be used for travel."
Hilda: "To whom am I speaking?!"
Me: "I am Marge Schwartz's daughter."
Hilda: "I am sorry, but I cannot give you any information. The cardholder will have to call herself."
Me: "Oh...my mother is 83 years old and has asked me to make this call."
Hilda: "I'm sorry, I cannot give you the information. She will have to call herself."
Me: "Clearly I have all her information so isn't there something you can do to help me?"
Hilda: "That is impossible. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
Me: "No, thank you"
Hilda: "I hope I have provided you with excellent service today."
Me: "Yes, it was stellar (tongue is securely in cheek as I am speaking.) Thank you again."
Hilda: "Thank you for calling Capital One!"
As I hung up, I think she was saying something about me being randomly chosen for a short phone survey, but I pretend I don't hear. As soon as I get a dialtone again, I press redial. Here is how phone call #2 goes:
Bertha: "Hello thank you for calling Capital One this is Bertha how may I help you?"
Me: "I would like to find out about redeeming points"
Bertha: "I will be happy to help you with that. What is your credit card number?"
I go through the EXACT same exchange as the one I had moments before with Hilda, except this time I'm smarter. I PRETEND I AM MY MOTHER and Bertha is all too happy to give me the information I am seeking. She informs me that I (OK, my mother) has 794 Capital One points, which means that "I" can use them to purchase an airline ticket for UP TO $794. If the ticket costs $795, all bets are off because you cannot apply points as partial payment. Bertha asks if I would like to be connected to their travel department. I ask if I must make arrangements through them, she says no, and we end our conversation.
Next, I go online to see how much tickets are going to cost. I find out that the cheapest roundtrip ticket to Dresden is $838 from Cleveland (that's where mom lives) and $922 from Chicago. OK, Capital One points are not going to work. I next check out fares from Chicago to Dresden and from Budapest back to Chicago. $1,084 - not bad and then we won't have to get ourselves back to Dresden (which is not a direct flight from ANYWHERE) Just for the heck of it, I check what upgradable tickets will cost. The fare on a United flight is $2,800 per person, plus 60,000 miles per person to upgrade to business class. Mom and I are out of luck again. Although my husband and I have accrued hundreds of thousands of miles over the years, we are very low after our recent trip to Australia. One more thing before I call mom back - let's see how much it is to PURCHASE business class seats. A few keystrokes later and I get the astounding price of $5,800 PER TICKET. Time to call mom with some options.
Here is how the conversation with mom goes:
Me: "Hi Mom! I've gotten some information on flights to Dresden for us."
Mom: "What?! Wait, I can't hear you. Hold on a minute!"
Mom puts the phone down, yells from across the room that she can't find the remote. Yells again that she is going to turn the TV off manually. Yells ONE MORE TIME to ask where the off button is on her TV. Then I hear her laughing and she is back on the line.
Mom: "Hello? Are you there?"
Me: "Yes, I'm here"
Mom: "Who is calling?"
Me: "It's me, Mom"
Mom: "Oh, hi! So did you make all our plans?"
Me: "No, because there are several options and I want to go over them with you."
Mom: "OK, good!"
Me: "So, you can fly coach to and from Dresden for $838 and my fare would be $932."
Mom: "Why is it more for you to come from Chicago?"
Me: "Because each city has it's own fare base."
Mom: "Well, then why don't you fly to Cleveland and we'll leave together from here?"
Me: "Because flights from Cleveland go through Chicago, so I would be flying from Chicago to Cleveland, back to Chicago, connecting in Frankfurt and then on to Dresden. It will wind up costing more money once I fly roundtrip from Chicago to Cleveland."
Mom: "I'm sure you didn't get the right information. It shouldn't be more to fly from Chicago than from Cleveland, but OK, go on. What else did you find out?"
Me (using relaxation breathing techniques I've learned in yoga): "Another option is to fly to Dresden and home from Budapest. That will cost a few hundred dollars more per person, but it will save us the time and cost of getting back to Dresden at the end of the trip."
Mom: "Then let's do that! Can I pay for your ticket using my Capital One points?"
Me: "Don't worry about that. I'll pay for my own ticket."
Mom: "ABSOLUTELY NOT! THIS IS MY TREAT!"
Me: "Well, you only have 794 points, which will only pay for a ticket UP TO $794."
Mom: "How do you know how many points I have?"
Me: "I called Capital One"
Mom: "How do you have my credit card number?"
Me: "You gave it to me."
Mom: "Well, I'm sure you didn't get the right information. I have lots of points."
Me: "Do you want to call yourself?"
Mom: "Yes, I'll call and I'll book the flights."
Me: "OK, do you want the flight numbers?"
Mom: "No, I don't need them"
Me: "Well, call me when you have some information."
Mom: "I will! I'm getting so excited, aren't you?"
Me: "Yes"
Mom: "I'll call you tomorrow. Love you!"
Me: "Love you too! Good-bye!"
It is the third week of July. We are supposedly leaving for this trip in six weeks and we STILL have NO PLANS. I continue with my yoga breathing as I calmly walk into the kitchen to get a straw, put it in the vodka bottle and take a long, slow drink......
Hilda: "Hello thank you for calling Capital One this is Hilda how may I be be of service?"
Me: "I would like to find out about redeeming points."
Hilda: "I will be happy to help you. What is your credit card number?"
I recite the numbers my mother read to me off her card.....
Hilda: "Thank you. And the name on the card?"
Me: "Marge Schwartz"
Hilda: "Last four numbers of your social?"
I know she doesn't mean MY social so I give her the last four numbers of mom's.
Hilda: "Thank you. How can I help you?"
Me: "I would like to know how many points my mother has and how those points can be used for travel."
Hilda: "To whom am I speaking?!"
Me: "I am Marge Schwartz's daughter."
Hilda: "I am sorry, but I cannot give you any information. The cardholder will have to call herself."
Me: "Oh...my mother is 83 years old and has asked me to make this call."
Hilda: "I'm sorry, I cannot give you the information. She will have to call herself."
Me: "Clearly I have all her information so isn't there something you can do to help me?"
Hilda: "That is impossible. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
Me: "No, thank you"
Hilda: "I hope I have provided you with excellent service today."
Me: "Yes, it was stellar (tongue is securely in cheek as I am speaking.) Thank you again."
Hilda: "Thank you for calling Capital One!"
As I hung up, I think she was saying something about me being randomly chosen for a short phone survey, but I pretend I don't hear. As soon as I get a dialtone again, I press redial. Here is how phone call #2 goes:
Bertha: "Hello thank you for calling Capital One this is Bertha how may I help you?"
Me: "I would like to find out about redeeming points"
Bertha: "I will be happy to help you with that. What is your credit card number?"
I go through the EXACT same exchange as the one I had moments before with Hilda, except this time I'm smarter. I PRETEND I AM MY MOTHER and Bertha is all too happy to give me the information I am seeking. She informs me that I (OK, my mother) has 794 Capital One points, which means that "I" can use them to purchase an airline ticket for UP TO $794. If the ticket costs $795, all bets are off because you cannot apply points as partial payment. Bertha asks if I would like to be connected to their travel department. I ask if I must make arrangements through them, she says no, and we end our conversation.
Next, I go online to see how much tickets are going to cost. I find out that the cheapest roundtrip ticket to Dresden is $838 from Cleveland (that's where mom lives) and $922 from Chicago. OK, Capital One points are not going to work. I next check out fares from Chicago to Dresden and from Budapest back to Chicago. $1,084 - not bad and then we won't have to get ourselves back to Dresden (which is not a direct flight from ANYWHERE) Just for the heck of it, I check what upgradable tickets will cost. The fare on a United flight is $2,800 per person, plus 60,000 miles per person to upgrade to business class. Mom and I are out of luck again. Although my husband and I have accrued hundreds of thousands of miles over the years, we are very low after our recent trip to Australia. One more thing before I call mom back - let's see how much it is to PURCHASE business class seats. A few keystrokes later and I get the astounding price of $5,800 PER TICKET. Time to call mom with some options.
Here is how the conversation with mom goes:
Me: "Hi Mom! I've gotten some information on flights to Dresden for us."
Mom: "What?! Wait, I can't hear you. Hold on a minute!"
Mom puts the phone down, yells from across the room that she can't find the remote. Yells again that she is going to turn the TV off manually. Yells ONE MORE TIME to ask where the off button is on her TV. Then I hear her laughing and she is back on the line.
Mom: "Hello? Are you there?"
Me: "Yes, I'm here"
Mom: "Who is calling?"
Me: "It's me, Mom"
Mom: "Oh, hi! So did you make all our plans?"
Me: "No, because there are several options and I want to go over them with you."
Mom: "OK, good!"
Me: "So, you can fly coach to and from Dresden for $838 and my fare would be $932."
Mom: "Why is it more for you to come from Chicago?"
Me: "Because each city has it's own fare base."
Mom: "Well, then why don't you fly to Cleveland and we'll leave together from here?"
Me: "Because flights from Cleveland go through Chicago, so I would be flying from Chicago to Cleveland, back to Chicago, connecting in Frankfurt and then on to Dresden. It will wind up costing more money once I fly roundtrip from Chicago to Cleveland."
Mom: "I'm sure you didn't get the right information. It shouldn't be more to fly from Chicago than from Cleveland, but OK, go on. What else did you find out?"
Me (using relaxation breathing techniques I've learned in yoga): "Another option is to fly to Dresden and home from Budapest. That will cost a few hundred dollars more per person, but it will save us the time and cost of getting back to Dresden at the end of the trip."
Mom: "Then let's do that! Can I pay for your ticket using my Capital One points?"
Me: "Don't worry about that. I'll pay for my own ticket."
Mom: "ABSOLUTELY NOT! THIS IS MY TREAT!"
Me: "Well, you only have 794 points, which will only pay for a ticket UP TO $794."
Mom: "How do you know how many points I have?"
Me: "I called Capital One"
Mom: "How do you have my credit card number?"
Me: "You gave it to me."
Mom: "Well, I'm sure you didn't get the right information. I have lots of points."
Me: "Do you want to call yourself?"
Mom: "Yes, I'll call and I'll book the flights."
Me: "OK, do you want the flight numbers?"
Mom: "No, I don't need them"
Me: "Well, call me when you have some information."
Mom: "I will! I'm getting so excited, aren't you?"
Me: "Yes"
Mom: "I'll call you tomorrow. Love you!"
Me: "Love you too! Good-bye!"
It is the third week of July. We are supposedly leaving for this trip in six weeks and we STILL have NO PLANS. I continue with my yoga breathing as I calmly walk into the kitchen to get a straw, put it in the vodka bottle and take a long, slow drink......
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Planning Begins
So the city of Dresden has invited my mother and a companion to be their guests and they will pay for all expenses except the companion's airfare. My mother INSISTS this trip is her treat and she wants to take me on a "first-class vacation." She tells me not to worry about a thing and that I should leave all the planning to her. Have I mentioned that the last time my mother was in Europe was more than thirty years ago and that she hasn't flown anywhere in at least a dozen years? That she drives - ALONE - from Cleveland to Florida each year because she can't be bothered with restrictions like flight departure schedules? She also can't be bothered with restrictions like seat belts, but that may be a story for another time. Maybe as soon as when we are flying to Germany and she doesn't want to buckle up during take-off.
The first thing my mother wants to know is where else I want to go after the week-long program in Dresden. She reasons, "We're there already, we should shpatzere around and see what's doing." I say, "OK, but let's pick one more place to go; where would you like to visit?" She replies, "Wherever YOU want to go, I'll be happy just being with you." I tell her I will give it some thought and let her know. The next time we talk, I say that I would like to go visit Munich or Berlin. She says "Aren't those both in Germany?! I don't want to stay there! I want to go to Italy, France, and Switzerland." I suggest she might want to narrow it down a bit more and pick one or maybe two cities. We agree that we will talk again soon and she will let me know where she would like to go after Dresden.
The next time we talk, mom excitedly asks "Have you decided where you want to go after Dresden?" I remind her that she was going to pick a place, and she says, "No this is MY TREAT to you; I want to go wherever you want to go!" As long as wherever is not in Germany.....
Several days and a trip to the library later, I suggest we go to Budapest. She agrees - "PERFECT!" I tell her that we should book our flights soon so we can get the best fares. I offer to make the reservations and she insists that she will do it. We leave it at that and over the next few weeks, this is far from my thoughts because 1) Lauren is returning from Australia after five months and 2) I am preparing for a five-day business meeting in Colorado, with several days tacked on the end for vacation.
I return home on July 13th and when I speak to mom the next day I discover that she hasn't made any plans for our trip. I suggest that I make them, and she reluctantly agrees. "OK, if you think you can do it better..." She reiterates that she wants to travel first-class. I remind her that the program has only offered to pay tourist class travel and that first class will be very VERY expensive. She says "I'm sure it will only be a few hundred dollars more and I'm happy to pay. I decide it isn't worth debating the price difference and tell her I will get prices and we will talk again. "One more thing!" she says, "I want you to book the flights using my Capital One points!" "How many points do you have?" I ask. "Lots" she answers. OK, so I don't have a Capital One credit card, have no idea how their program works, but I figure I can easily find out. I tell her I need her credit card number. "Why do you need that?" she wants to know. After much more conversation, she puts the phone down to go find her wallet. This takes no less than five minutes, during which time she is yelling from various parts of the house "Hold on, I can't find my purse!" Finally, FINALLY, she returns to the phone and says "I found it!" I ask her to read me the number on the card. She says "Wait, I need to get my glasses." Again she goes searching, yelling from various parts of the house "Hold on, I can't find my glasses!" Another few minutes and she is back. "OK" she says, "I'm back! Here is the number." I thank her, tell her I will let her know what I find out and we hang up. I consider drinking vodka straight out of the bottle through a straw, but settle on a tall glass of wine.....
The first thing my mother wants to know is where else I want to go after the week-long program in Dresden. She reasons, "We're there already, we should shpatzere around and see what's doing." I say, "OK, but let's pick one more place to go; where would you like to visit?" She replies, "Wherever YOU want to go, I'll be happy just being with you." I tell her I will give it some thought and let her know. The next time we talk, I say that I would like to go visit Munich or Berlin. She says "Aren't those both in Germany?! I don't want to stay there! I want to go to Italy, France, and Switzerland." I suggest she might want to narrow it down a bit more and pick one or maybe two cities. We agree that we will talk again soon and she will let me know where she would like to go after Dresden.
The next time we talk, mom excitedly asks "Have you decided where you want to go after Dresden?" I remind her that she was going to pick a place, and she says, "No this is MY TREAT to you; I want to go wherever you want to go!" As long as wherever is not in Germany.....
Several days and a trip to the library later, I suggest we go to Budapest. She agrees - "PERFECT!" I tell her that we should book our flights soon so we can get the best fares. I offer to make the reservations and she insists that she will do it. We leave it at that and over the next few weeks, this is far from my thoughts because 1) Lauren is returning from Australia after five months and 2) I am preparing for a five-day business meeting in Colorado, with several days tacked on the end for vacation.
I return home on July 13th and when I speak to mom the next day I discover that she hasn't made any plans for our trip. I suggest that I make them, and she reluctantly agrees. "OK, if you think you can do it better..." She reiterates that she wants to travel first-class. I remind her that the program has only offered to pay tourist class travel and that first class will be very VERY expensive. She says "I'm sure it will only be a few hundred dollars more and I'm happy to pay. I decide it isn't worth debating the price difference and tell her I will get prices and we will talk again. "One more thing!" she says, "I want you to book the flights using my Capital One points!" "How many points do you have?" I ask. "Lots" she answers. OK, so I don't have a Capital One credit card, have no idea how their program works, but I figure I can easily find out. I tell her I need her credit card number. "Why do you need that?" she wants to know. After much more conversation, she puts the phone down to go find her wallet. This takes no less than five minutes, during which time she is yelling from various parts of the house "Hold on, I can't find my purse!" Finally, FINALLY, she returns to the phone and says "I found it!" I ask her to read me the number on the card. She says "Wait, I need to get my glasses." Again she goes searching, yelling from various parts of the house "Hold on, I can't find my glasses!" Another few minutes and she is back. "OK" she says, "I'm back! Here is the number." I thank her, tell her I will let her know what I find out and we hang up. I consider drinking vodka straight out of the bottle through a straw, but settle on a tall glass of wine.....
Monday, August 3, 2009
How It All Began
Mothers and daughters often have what we politely call "complicated" relationships. I know firsthand; I am a daughter and I am a mother to two girls, ages 21 and 24. I could write volumes about raising two daughters, which I know so many women can relate to. Instead, I am going to write about a trip that my mother is "treating" me to in September. I am writing this for several reasons:
1. Because there are just too many hilarious stories
2. Because anyone my age (50ish) with an elderly mother (80ish) will relate
3. Because even if I survive the planning and the trip, I will never remember the details
4. Because blogging is cheaper than therapy
It all began on April 5, 1957, but I won't bore you with all the stories (except you might enjoy the one where my mother cancelled the order on my size 2 wedding dress because she found a great sample dress - size 10 - for $19.99. It was nothing like the one I ordered, and it had to be completely remade (a wedding gift from my mother's dressmaker) but I was 22 and I got married in it.) I digress......
Fast forward to April 3, 2009. My mother receives a letter from the city of Dresden, Germany inviting her and a guest (remember this part because it's where I come in) to the city from which she fled with her family in 1933. They want to show her how her homeland has been rebuilt after the war. My mother calls me excitedly because she loves getting anything for FREE. (She recently called with the news that she had "won" $100,000 and that all she had to do to collect was send a check for $100 to some PO Box....) My husband, ever the "realist" (aka pessimist) is certain the letter is a hoax. We do some investigating, find out the letter is authentic and urge my mother to go.
Several weeks later she tells me that her friend will be joining her on the trip. They are going to make plans soon. Then in early June I get a call from my mother, asking me to accompany her to Germany. She will make all the plans and it will be so much fun. OK so I am not her first choice, but how can I say no? We'll go, we'll come back, it will be memorable. Not so fast.......
1. Because there are just too many hilarious stories
2. Because anyone my age (50ish) with an elderly mother (80ish) will relate
3. Because even if I survive the planning and the trip, I will never remember the details
4. Because blogging is cheaper than therapy
It all began on April 5, 1957, but I won't bore you with all the stories (except you might enjoy the one where my mother cancelled the order on my size 2 wedding dress because she found a great sample dress - size 10 - for $19.99. It was nothing like the one I ordered, and it had to be completely remade (a wedding gift from my mother's dressmaker) but I was 22 and I got married in it.) I digress......
Fast forward to April 3, 2009. My mother receives a letter from the city of Dresden, Germany inviting her and a guest (remember this part because it's where I come in) to the city from which she fled with her family in 1933. They want to show her how her homeland has been rebuilt after the war. My mother calls me excitedly because she loves getting anything for FREE. (She recently called with the news that she had "won" $100,000 and that all she had to do to collect was send a check for $100 to some PO Box....) My husband, ever the "realist" (aka pessimist) is certain the letter is a hoax. We do some investigating, find out the letter is authentic and urge my mother to go.
Several weeks later she tells me that her friend will be joining her on the trip. They are going to make plans soon. Then in early June I get a call from my mother, asking me to accompany her to Germany. She will make all the plans and it will be so much fun. OK so I am not her first choice, but how can I say no? We'll go, we'll come back, it will be memorable. Not so fast.......
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